Tankar

Sat, 25 Jul 2009 22:19:44 +0200

Jag vet inte riktigt hur jag ska formulera mig när det kommer till det här. Svenska har aldrig varit mitt val när det gäller att skriva, men jag tror att det här inlägget kräver att jag använder mitt modersmål.
Den trettionde juni, för nästan en månad sedan, fick vi alla elever ett mejl. Vi fick reda på att vår lärare, och IB1A’s mentor, Lena hade avlidit.

Själv har jag aldrig haft någon nära mig med en allvarlig sjukdom. När jag först fick veta, redan på första dagen på YBC, blev jag shockad. Vad säger man? Hur beter man sig mot en människa som man vet är nära döden?
I slutändan blev det lättare än något annat.

Lena betedde sig aldrig som “dödssjuk”, eller så som vi flesta tror dödssjuka ska bete sig. Istället verkade hon alltid så glad, så stark, så levande. Istället för att bli någon som vi inte visste hur vi ska vara runtomkring, blev hon en enorm stödpelare för klassen.

Jag tror att Lena var den läraren vi alla hade mest respekt för. Det var inte ofta, on någonsin, som en elev käftade emot henne. Lenas ord var lag, och för en gångs skull ville ingen bryta lagen.
Vi fick bara ha henne i ett år, men vi blev beroende av henne snabbt. Hon var bestämd, och hon insisterade på att alla skulle ta sin plats i klassen, även om det ibland var lättare att gömma sig bakom de andra.

Det är många i vår klass som inte alls vill prata. Vi sitter hellre och lyssnar på vad de andra har att säga, även om vi har kan och vet mer, något som en viss person jag känner borde förstå.  När man väl vågar ta ordet är det en tyst samling av mumlade ord som kommer fram.

Vad Lena kunde göra, var att ge eleven en dos med självförtroende bara genom att le mot honom eller henne. Hennes leenden hade den effekten.

Men det var inte alltid bra. Vissa dagar kunde man se att varje steg som togs bar med sig smärta. Hon var där, dock. Nästan alltid kunde man se henne i korridorerna, på väg till lektioner med långsamma steg.

Hon var som sagt vår stödpelare. Den som jag tror de flesta kämpade för. Att höra att man gjort något bra, från Lena var underbart. Det kändes mycket bättre då.

Att hon kommer bli saknad är en underdrift. Jag vet inte hur det kommer bli att komma tillbaka nu. Svårt räcker inte till. Svenskan känns helt onödig, för vems skull var det inte man kämpade för, om inte Lenas?
Det känns bara fel.

Hela den här texten innehåller saker man alltid säger när folk dör. “Hon var underbar”, “Hon var den vi kämpade för” och så vidare. Jag förstår att det kanske låter som om vi ser allt i “hindsight” i brist på svenska ord, men med LEna var det faktiskt så. Vi försökte uppskatta henne så mycket som ett gäng hormonsfulla tonåringar kan göra, och jag hoppas hon märkte det medan hon kunde.

Nu märker jag hur lång den här texten har blivit, vilket inte har min mening alls. Jag ville bara få ner några slags tankar krings det hela, eftersom jag inte lyckats göra det än. Med en månad kvar tills skolan börjar, kanske mina tankar hinner skingra sig.

Tack för att ni lyssnar.

A post

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 17:23:16 +0200

A little something I posted on a Nerdfighter forum earlier. ‘Twas a reply to yet another youngling who knows nothing.

All of you who download copyrighted music, you do realize that you're destroying an entire industry, right? I'm not just saying this because I "think" it might happen, but I know. In fact, it is already happening.
With a father in the movie business I can see the effects of the illegal downloading right here, right now.

When it comes to movies (I am not so sure about music) ever single movie depends on a sponsor. This sponsor pays for the entire movie; all the expenses that it has. When the movie later is released, this sponsor expects to get his money back and then a reasonable profit to pay everyone involved in the movie. And we're not just talking the actors here, for sure, I can agree with that many of them are over-payed. There are hundreds of other people involved in making these movies. People who already doesn't get enough money for their effort.
But what happens when the movie only makes 60% of what the sponsor payed? Who is going to give him the rest 40%? Who is going to give the cast, the screen-writers, the set-builders, the costume-designers and everybody else the money they deserve. And who is going to sponsor a movie when it's pretty sure that they won't get their money back?
In the end, no more movies will be made.
Thinking you have a right to take what they have created, taking the money they need to support themselves and their families, is completely wrong. They create something for us to enjoy, and we take this without a single thank you.

Is there anyone out there who remembers when watching a movie was sort of a privilege? Something you did with your entire family? These days people expect music and movies as if it is something we deserve just for living.
Though not many people I know agree with me, downloading is like walking into a store and take a box of milk. [Here I was actually corrected, but righteously. It’s not like walking into a story and taking the milk, it’s as if you walk into the store, copy a box of milk and taking that copy home] You feel you "deserve" this milk, and WHY should you have to pay for something you want?
Honestly people, think. Please. For once, stop being idiots.

Sarah

Thoughts about the ‘so-called’ broken chronology

Tue, 26 May 2009 10:11:02 +0200

Advantages and disadvantages of the broken chronology that this novel is told in. What does it do for the novel? What is positive / negative about it?

I actually don't see Slaughterhouse-5 as a novel written in a broken chronological order. To me, you follow Billy from point A to point B, but so much is happening and it feels as if he jumps in time all the time.
I think, that when it comes down to it, Billy starts the book at one place and end it when he has finished telling his story.

For me, a broken chronological order is when you start, let's say in the present, today, and then you continue with a story from twenty years ago. For example when you are writing a mystery story or a historical book. You end a chapter, "and with a last look of anger she stormed out of the house" and then the next chapter starts with "Monday june 20th 1989"

In S-5, Billy is conscious of his time-jumping, and it is not as if you get to meet the young Billy in one chapter, and the old Billy in one. No, I feel as if the Billy we know, the Billy that starts the novel, is the one we follow on this journey. He isn't someone else. We don't have a million Billy's traveling through time, but one. One mind, which is what I think is the most important. There is one Billy, the forty-ish old Billy. He starts traveling one day, and like I said earlier, it is this mind that is traveling, not every mind for every second.

I think this "broken" order of things makes the book a whole lot better than it would have been without it. Kurt Vonnegut has a special way of writing, and I do adore his style.
When I read it, I truly can't see it as a whole mans life mixed together and that you need to solve it as it with a jigsaw puzzle. I see a man who re-lives parts of his life and sees the life in a new perspective.

I keep coming back to the fact that I don't see it as a broken chronological novel, for in my eyes it is not. I do love how it is written, and I do love Kurt Vonnegut, so the way it is written never bothered me at all. I love books when you have to think! When it is all jumbled like this, and most people feel it is broken, then it might be harder to understand what is happening.

This so called "confused" way of writing, makes the novel special. I don't think that this is because the author is too confused as someone mentioned, but because he is so focused. The reader also has to be focused at all time. I think that this book is more well planned than hundreds of books I have read. Though some authors can sit down and write without anything other than a general plan, this book cannot have been created that way. The way it makes a person feel cannot be unintentional, it has to have a meaning. Personally I feel that I would be very disappointed if it was thought of.

I'd also like to talk about the way people seem to have the general idea of that the Tralfalmadorians are imaginary.
To a reader who loves Sci-fi as well as 'ordinary' novels, I don't fins this book imaginary at all. Of course it is fictional, but I always feel as if characters in books I read live. Especially when I write myself, I'd like to believe that they are indeed alive somewhere, even though it might sound a teeny tiny bit insane.

I don't like to think that these characters will never live again after I have put the novel down. They live every time someone picks up the book, and they keep living after I have finished. Their lives continue even after I am done.
This might sound crazy, but I'd like to believe that, and probably always will.
When writing one always creates a new world, whether or not one intends to. You create people who would not have existed if you had not written about them.

When it comes to the Tralfamadorians, I don't know if Kurt Vonnegut had a meaning. Maybe he wanted to tell the reader, and Billy, that maybe humans with their free will and morals, are not the only way of living life good. The aliens don't want anything others than what they have. they are pleased with life and everything they are, and wouldn't change it for the world.
They also believe that you simply can't change life. There is a destiny, and it doesn't matter if you want to follow it or not; it always happen.

"If you know this" said Billy, "isn't there some way you can prevent it? Can't you keep the pilot from pressing the button?"
"He has always pressed it, and he always will. We always let him, and we always will let him. The moment is structured that way"

I actually like the way the Trafalmadors think. They are logical, at least. Life happens, often one cannot stop the events no matter how much you would like you. You certainly can't change what has already happened. The aliens helped Billy to understand that the war would have happened anyway. He couldn't have stopped it, even if he had tried. All one can do is to ease the fall by understanding there is nothing to do.

More thoughts.

Wed, 20 May 2009 12:12:31 +0200

This seminar is about computers 1:1, and so far I have become more convinced that this is the way to work in school.
I thought this wouldn't really matter to me, because I already am a student with a computer, but I have learned more about what you can do with computers.

One man spoke about tablet computers, and how great it was for the teachers to have them during lectures and presentations. You can draw straight on the presentations, like you would on a whiteboard.
It seems a lot easier than using a smartboard during a presentation.

It was also a very clever thing to have when you correct a paper, for you do no longer need to print it to make comments, but can instead take noted directly on the document.

During the seminar.

Some thoughts along the road

Wed, 20 May 2009 11:19:00 +0200

Due to lack of internet yesterday, I didn't write down my thoughts of the seminars. I will however do so after todays learning. What I did do, together with Maria, was a little vlog about the first seminar. That can be found here.

As I walk around here I find myself in awe of how far our school seems to have gotten. This entire conference seems to be more about IT as a goal, a goal they haven't reached yet. They want the computer, as my teacher said, they see it as a goal, not as a way to reach the goal. On YBC we use the computer in everything we do. It is seen as a must, for without the computer we cannot work.

I see this as a con of technology. That people see the computer as a must, and not a privilege, which is the way it was a few years ago. If you don't have access to internet in these days, you feel isolated and left out of the world. Phones are no longer meant for calling, but for instant internet connections.

How did we go from letters to internet on your cellphone?

The world is constantly changing, and unfortunately we have to change with it, even if the road isn't leading towards where we thought we were heading. All in all, we move towards something new every day, every minute, every second.

Now it's time for a new seminar, this time about Computers 1:1 in the classroom. Our principal himself will speak, and we, sitting here with our computers, will probably we asked plenty of questions.

Sarah

Inspiration for life

Mon, 18 May 2009 23:32:12 +0200

Usually Mondays makes my eyes tear, my body shake and my head hurt. Today was different. Starting the first lesson with 20 minutes of Juno was wonderful. The story behind this is actually quite odd, for the class is Italian.
Last week we were supposed to watch an italian movie during the Thursday lesson, but since someone had stolen the DVD, and the movie store failed to mention this, we only had the features DVD. So, after fifteen minutes of laughing, complaining and some looks of apology from our teacher, we started watching Juno.

After these twenty minutes of well-written bliss, half the girls in the school went into the 'BC aula' to listen to a lecture. Before entering the room, all we knew was that it was supposed to be information about drugs. From all other lessons and lectures about this we have had during the years, I expected a few wasted hours. Lucky for me it wasn't.

We had two speakers, one man and one woman. The man began with telling his story, and from the first second you were caught in what he was telling us. You could tell that he had accepted his past and what he had done, and had moved on. He had such self-perception it was unbelievable. He could actually smile and tell his story with a laugh, something I think many have problems with. A past like his can not be easy to accept.

I have never experienced anything related to abuse of drugs or alcohol, but I can still say that I know it is hard to drag oneself out of that, no matter how determined one is.
This is where on would usually say that one knows all there is to know about alcohol and drugs, the effects the consequences and whatnot. The usual explanation? "I've read about it" or "I saw this documentary once"

Unless we have actually been there, down at the bottom crawling through the shit of life, we cannot say we understand what it is all about. Sure we can say it is hard, but we cannot know just HOW hard. How impossible. How much it hurts. We cannot know anything actually.

The girl, she was much younger than her friend, and I felt as if she still could bear what had happened to and with her. Maybe it's because a woman is so much more easily abused and used than a man. Also because she was still so young, and only got control of her life a few years ago. The man had had around 16 years to understand and think about what he had done, the girl had not had at all as many.

I was truly amazed that they could stand there in front of a bunch of neglecting teenagers and share that amazing and tragic story. I don't believe I could ever have that courage. Maybe not that many people have.
The kind of courage they showed today isn't something you are born with. Courage doesn't even mean that you dare to do everything. It's simply doing what you afraid of even though you are afraid.

So, with those few words to think about maybe, I will go to bed.
Tomorrow I can be found on the "Framtidens Lärande" (translation:The future's learning) conference in Nacka Strand. I'll be blogging and tweeting during the day, as our teachers has told us to.
I am looking forward to be a part of this, all in all I think we're twenty students from YBC going. It will be interesting to learn more about what is happening in the school-world, and to hear people's thoughts and beliefs.

Quote of the day:
“No one ever gets far unless he accomplishes the impossible at least once a day.”

Elbert Hubbard

Sarah writing a novel.

Sat, 28 Feb 2009 00:36:20 +0100

Oh lord, have I taken water over my head? Have I really taken upon myself something I cannot achieve?
Actually, I don’t think I have.

Maybe I’d like to think to when I can’t put the words down, but all in all, I love this.

I love creating a whole new world, and new people the world has never met before. I love breathing live into the characters with only a few simple words. By writing the words “She thought” I have given her thoughts.
By writing “She felt” I have given her feelings.
And by writing “She said” I have given her a chance to voice her opinions.

If you have ever tried to written something, you have probably felt that the characters you have created are always there with you. Whether you’re watching TV, or going to school, they are always with you. They make a home in your mind and in your heart, and no matter how evil they are, you will always love them.

I have started many novels before, but never finished them. The characters I wrote about never quite reached my heart, and when you feel they don’t, there is no idea to continue. You need to feel with them, live with them, breath with them in order to be able to create their lives. That is just how it is.

You need to know whether or not they fell of the chair when they were three, even if there will never be any kind of mentioning of this in the novel. You become their parents, their friends and their guardian angels.
You are in control of their lives.

It almost like having a child you can form any way you want. Only it isn’t.

Just like a child your characters have their own will, and before you know it, you are somewhere they want to be without you really knowing how you got there.
They lead you on a journey with their bad choices and wrong turns. Even though you don’t want to hurt them, you are hurt.
Even though you want them to find happiness, maybe not all of them will.

It’s really not for you to decide.

A true writer writes with their heart and not with their head. For that is how a novel is written.

When I was sitting by the computer in the middle of the night, looking for quotes for my protagonist to discuss, I can across this one;

I feel this sum up how I feel about writing perfectly.
It’s not a game, even though it might feel as so in the beginning. It’s a lot harder than it seems.

Sure, anyone can write a novel really. Anyone can scribble down 50,000 words in a word document. But not that many can do it with style, with grace and a whole lot of laughter.

Now, I’m not saying I can. My novel will probably never get anywhere beyond my hard-drive. There it will rot away until I find it when I get older and decides to go through old documents.
And even thought writing is how I want to spend this short time I have here on earth, that might not be my future.
That might not be anything but a silly dream.

But I do have a dream. A dream I can cling to when things get rough. I dream I can get lost in when I need to.
We all need to dream, don’t we? What makes us more alive than the ability to dream about a better world?

Sarah Saville.

SOME PICTURES OF MY PLANNING.

The curse of iWeb.

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 23:15:21 +0100

Oh dear iWeb. After weeks of telling me you simply refuse to publish my site, we have now come to an agreement.
Right?
There is no mistaking on my part?
I do hope you will keep your promise of being kind and gentle to me in the future, because I don’t know how much more of this I can take...

Now I better get back to writing those thousands of words I simply don’t have.

Did anyone notice that my homepage is featured on the YBC intranät? I sure did.
Leave some comments and tell me what you like (or don’t like, if you’re that kind of person) about my website.
I’d love some suggestions.

^^^,) Sarah *tap, tap, tap*